just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
