he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
