my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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