Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
