I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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