maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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