You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
