perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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