just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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