They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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