haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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