Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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