Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested

Fav 7 1975 2852
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

Fav 8 1703 4410
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.

Fav 20 5816 1177
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(952): View more from Minnesota

i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.

Fav 4 2978 1986
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight

Fav 8 3902 1261
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(303): View more from Colorado

I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B

Fav 11 3701 1239
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(203): View more from Connecticut

some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.

Fav 7 2839 1185
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(303): View more from Colorado

Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.

Fav 3 272 293
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(870): View more from Arkansas

Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.

(870): View more from Arkansas

And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.

Fav 0 64 14
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