I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
