why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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