I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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