Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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