Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Randomize
