you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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