I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
