I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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