He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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