I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
