Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
