Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
