god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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