miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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