1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
