How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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