it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
