Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
