i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
