He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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