I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
