She's JV to your varsity
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
