I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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