I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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