I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
