How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm at about main and main street
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize