I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
