Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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