At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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