I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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