Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
