he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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