Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
