Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

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(254): View more from Texas

just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT

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(352): View more from Florida

Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.

(352): View more from Florida

And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

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(503): View more from Oregon

we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.

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(708): View more from Illinois

He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..

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(856): View more from New Jersey

You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"

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(317): View more from Indiana

My breath smells like gin and sadness

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