i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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