R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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