the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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