Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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