They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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