How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
