she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They are going to name an STD after you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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