woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
