I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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