I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
