My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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