Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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