dude i'm inner monologue high
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
