Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
