Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
