Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
